Cheers to the human experience – and all of its emotions and nuances. The happiness, hurt, laughter, loss. The ability of processing deep feeling is a unique human characteristic. Meditation often promotes that you are not your emotions; you are above them. While that may be true, those feelings make this life experience a meaningful, emotionally-charged one. We also often resist negative feelings because we want to avoid the pain of unfavorable circumstances. This phenomenon manifests itself through odd ways – that song that reminds you of a special someone, the way you cringe when folks talk about Trump’s family separation policy, completely blocking out painful experiences such as abuse, and even further, why epigenetics is an emerging area of fascination in the world of neuroscience that may link your emotions to those of your predecessors.
In the spiritual world, this past month of June was said to hold pivotal change and an optimal time to release emotions and circumstances that no longer serve you. I’d just ended a relationship and wanted to get rid of the waves of the lingering negativity. I scoured many wellness-focused accounts on Instagram advocating for a plethora of “self-care” options like face masks or manicures. Cool, I thought, I can totally do that…but while all of that felt great in the interim, I was neglecting the deeper sense of true healing. So how do you honor your feelings without them dictating your life? How do you truly release what no longer serves you (when the manicures and facials plateau in terms of effectiveness)? It requires hard work sifting through layers of emotions and circumstance, even as far as a seemingly healthy childhood to fully embrace your human experience.
Until recently, I never really examined my past. I hardly open up to people about issues at home or from childhood because I feel like I have lived a very blessed life. I had loving (yet strict Caribbean) parents, was afforded the opportunity to attend higher education, landed jobs that aligned to my interests and developed me throughout the years, discovered pure love in my familial and romantic relationships. Even up until the day before posting this piece, someone told me that I have a perfect life: the close knit family, a great job, a healthy lifestyle. This endearing encounter happens to me quite often. My first instinct is to be flattered but my second reaction is to let them know that my life has been far from untinged. Witnessing a messy divorce between my parents, battling ups and downs with self-image when I was a teenager, undergoing heartbreak and an abandonment complex, and craving constant achievement to feel self-worth were some problems beginning as early as childhood that I hardly confronted until recent years and there are still some waves of those feelings that will enter my mindset here and there. In Bell Hooks’ novel All About Love, she suggests many of us associate pain and dysfunction with love ever since childhood because it has been so heavily integrated into our guardians' way of showing affection, and that is simply an incorrect model of healthy love. Now in my mid 20’s, I realize I have been so thankful for the blessings in my life that I never thought about my life being “bad” and thus failing to acknowledge my demons or pain from my past to understand the present and to truly self-care. For example, thinking I make “x” amount of money at my job today cancels out the dysfunction I endured during “y” experience when I was 12 doesn’t lead you to healing that said trauma. All of these negative experiences were saddening, but after fully digesting them, I needed to move on. I needed to release the guards I ironically built which were the feelings themselves.
With regards to love, as I’m entering my later 20’s, society and my culture loom the banner of marriage around my face. The panic and despair really set in. For the first time in my life, I did not have a “rebound” relationship waiting which I admittedly often used (unconsciously to my defense!) to ensure I felt little pain after a breakup in the past. This time around, however, I made sure I cried whether that meant on the train or at work. I repeatedly reminded myself that we were not truly compatible. I also told myself that I was proud for making myself vulnerable during the relationship with a new kind of partner, so vastly different from past relationships. It may just be my personal circle but many relationships around me had also crumbled before my eyes in the last six months which compounded my fears initially. One of my closest friends recently lost her brother to an illness in the same year that her romantic relationship of almost a decade also came to an end. However, she was able to open her very traditional family and herself up to the idea of therapy, often stigmatized by the "brown" community. Seeing her rise to the challenge of healing and acceptance gave me hope as well.
In the same vein, I love that there has been a social outpouring of promotion of mental well-being because it is as necessary as going to the gym for maintaining your outer vessel. In my last post, “Sustainable Self Love”, I spoke about the daily tweaks that I made to ensure I was slowing down my pace of life. Since then, I wanted to delve into a more holistic layer of self-discovery so I picked up Sahara Rose’s book, Ayurveda – An Idiot's Guide. Sahara is a wellness guru of the millennial generation that I stumbled upon via Instagram and she specializes in teachings around an Ayurvedic lifestyle which purport three different Doshas, or mind-body types (Kapha, Pitta, and Vata). If you’re interested in your Ayurvedic mind-body type, but don’t want to read the full book, you can take her Ayurvedic Dosha Type quiz at https://eatfeelfresh.com/new-quiz/. Through her book based around Ayurvedic health principles, which are founded by the oldest health system in the world, I figured out that I am a Kapha mind-body type; Kaphas are often categorized as holding onto emotions which can potentially weigh you down, create possessiveness, and trigger emotional eating if unbalanced. Kaphas also tend to absorb others’ feelings which is crucial for me to create space before I internalize issues that may not necessarily be mine. I am a skeptic with most things, but as I read the mind-body description, a lot of the content rang true and I am more conscious about the things that keep my Doshas in alignment which is a process in itself.
Our experiences can foster negativity and patterns of playing the victim, or they can fuel a life of empowerment and continued self-development - it depends on your willingness to face your issues head on and your willingness to grow. It is important to honor less favorable feelings temporarily but the autobiography we tell ourselves on a continuous basis is what makes all the difference. Daily Om sums up this instruction quite well. "Be kind with the roles you give yourself and generous with how many chances you get to learn what you need to know. When you remember that you are the author of your own story, you can create a masterpiece."
In the spiritual world, this past month of June was said to hold pivotal change and an optimal time to release emotions and circumstances that no longer serve you. I’d just ended a relationship and wanted to get rid of the waves of the lingering negativity. I scoured many wellness-focused accounts on Instagram advocating for a plethora of “self-care” options like face masks or manicures. Cool, I thought, I can totally do that…but while all of that felt great in the interim, I was neglecting the deeper sense of true healing. So how do you honor your feelings without them dictating your life? How do you truly release what no longer serves you (when the manicures and facials plateau in terms of effectiveness)? It requires hard work sifting through layers of emotions and circumstance, even as far as a seemingly healthy childhood to fully embrace your human experience.
Until recently, I never really examined my past. I hardly open up to people about issues at home or from childhood because I feel like I have lived a very blessed life. I had loving (yet strict Caribbean) parents, was afforded the opportunity to attend higher education, landed jobs that aligned to my interests and developed me throughout the years, discovered pure love in my familial and romantic relationships. Even up until the day before posting this piece, someone told me that I have a perfect life: the close knit family, a great job, a healthy lifestyle. This endearing encounter happens to me quite often. My first instinct is to be flattered but my second reaction is to let them know that my life has been far from untinged. Witnessing a messy divorce between my parents, battling ups and downs with self-image when I was a teenager, undergoing heartbreak and an abandonment complex, and craving constant achievement to feel self-worth were some problems beginning as early as childhood that I hardly confronted until recent years and there are still some waves of those feelings that will enter my mindset here and there. In Bell Hooks’ novel All About Love, she suggests many of us associate pain and dysfunction with love ever since childhood because it has been so heavily integrated into our guardians' way of showing affection, and that is simply an incorrect model of healthy love. Now in my mid 20’s, I realize I have been so thankful for the blessings in my life that I never thought about my life being “bad” and thus failing to acknowledge my demons or pain from my past to understand the present and to truly self-care. For example, thinking I make “x” amount of money at my job today cancels out the dysfunction I endured during “y” experience when I was 12 doesn’t lead you to healing that said trauma. All of these negative experiences were saddening, but after fully digesting them, I needed to move on. I needed to release the guards I ironically built which were the feelings themselves.
With regards to love, as I’m entering my later 20’s, society and my culture loom the banner of marriage around my face. The panic and despair really set in. For the first time in my life, I did not have a “rebound” relationship waiting which I admittedly often used (unconsciously to my defense!) to ensure I felt little pain after a breakup in the past. This time around, however, I made sure I cried whether that meant on the train or at work. I repeatedly reminded myself that we were not truly compatible. I also told myself that I was proud for making myself vulnerable during the relationship with a new kind of partner, so vastly different from past relationships. It may just be my personal circle but many relationships around me had also crumbled before my eyes in the last six months which compounded my fears initially. One of my closest friends recently lost her brother to an illness in the same year that her romantic relationship of almost a decade also came to an end. However, she was able to open her very traditional family and herself up to the idea of therapy, often stigmatized by the "brown" community. Seeing her rise to the challenge of healing and acceptance gave me hope as well.
In the same vein, I love that there has been a social outpouring of promotion of mental well-being because it is as necessary as going to the gym for maintaining your outer vessel. In my last post, “Sustainable Self Love”, I spoke about the daily tweaks that I made to ensure I was slowing down my pace of life. Since then, I wanted to delve into a more holistic layer of self-discovery so I picked up Sahara Rose’s book, Ayurveda – An Idiot's Guide. Sahara is a wellness guru of the millennial generation that I stumbled upon via Instagram and she specializes in teachings around an Ayurvedic lifestyle which purport three different Doshas, or mind-body types (Kapha, Pitta, and Vata). If you’re interested in your Ayurvedic mind-body type, but don’t want to read the full book, you can take her Ayurvedic Dosha Type quiz at https://eatfeelfresh.com/new-quiz/. Through her book based around Ayurvedic health principles, which are founded by the oldest health system in the world, I figured out that I am a Kapha mind-body type; Kaphas are often categorized as holding onto emotions which can potentially weigh you down, create possessiveness, and trigger emotional eating if unbalanced. Kaphas also tend to absorb others’ feelings which is crucial for me to create space before I internalize issues that may not necessarily be mine. I am a skeptic with most things, but as I read the mind-body description, a lot of the content rang true and I am more conscious about the things that keep my Doshas in alignment which is a process in itself.
Our experiences can foster negativity and patterns of playing the victim, or they can fuel a life of empowerment and continued self-development - it depends on your willingness to face your issues head on and your willingness to grow. It is important to honor less favorable feelings temporarily but the autobiography we tell ourselves on a continuous basis is what makes all the difference. Daily Om sums up this instruction quite well. "Be kind with the roles you give yourself and generous with how many chances you get to learn what you need to know. When you remember that you are the author of your own story, you can create a masterpiece."